I have always been quick to take action. In my opinion, it’s better to act and be wrong, because you can learn from your mistakes and change direction. Planning is necessary, but over-planning can take more time than simply trying to act (even if you fail). It irritates me when people take too long to make decisions. This kind of impatience became part of my personality.
Usually, it helped me get results fast. I’m known for that. I take problems and solve them quickly. But impatience, which supported me as a technician, became a problem when I started to lead people. Let me try to explain why.
I want to show you how many people managers feel. People write about their experiences working with AI agents. They ask for A, but get B. They clarify and ask again, but get C. They get frustrated and angry. They write angry posts about how AI is useless and stupid 😃
It might sound harsh, but that’s often how it looks from a leader’s perspective. You ask your people to behave a certain way, but they’re not doing it or they’re doing it “wrong” (not the way you wanted). You get frustrated and angry. Then your imagination takes over - you start picturing “what’s wrong with them” and soon you begin to blame them for not doing their job properly.
From the team’s perspective, they have expectations of their boss. They want support, opportunities to grow, clear directions, and respect for their time and work-life balance. But when a boss is impatient and angry, people feel stressed, unappreciated, and demotivated. They may start to think their boss doesn’t trust or value them. This can lead to a toxic work environment where people are afraid to speak up or take risks. They just try to avoid “the angry boss”.
I hope I never reach the point where my impatience or anger is expressed like that. A bit of impatience or irritation might even be good - it’s natural. Even a boss is still a human being, and showing when he’s happy with the result and when he’s not is important for people to follow and meet expectations. I try to be aware of my emotions, and if I feel anger, I refuse to answer or “meet and discuss” until I calm down. Postponing the response for a day or two allows me to gather more information. I ask myself questions like:
- Why would they behave like that?
- Why were they so stubborn?
- What do I really want to achieve?
- Does the current result support it?
- Will my further involvement improve or clarify things, or make them worse?
Having this extra time usually gives me a different perspective. Sometimes I see that someone feels ownership of an idea, task, or project, and it’s better if I don’t interfere too much so I don’t kill their motivation. Then my responsibility is to clearly state my expectations and boundaries, and allow them to work in their own way. I might not get exactly what I wanted, but if it works and delivers value, that’s fine. We can iteratively improve it going forward. Sometimes I see that the person isn’t able to deliver what I expect, and I need to step in more actively. But now I have more information about the situation and the person, so I can choose the right approach.
I think I’m now more aware of the impact of emotions (especially my own). I can decide if I want to win the argument or achieve something more important - the result. Most of the time, winning the argument doesn’t help me achieve the result. It just creates more resistance and frustration. Then there’s no reason to be angry.
It’s not in human nature to always be patient and calm. But as a leader, you can’t afford to be a typical human being. You need to rise above your emotions and act in the best interest of your team and organization. It’s not about becoming silent or not sharing what you think, but you always have to focus on the outcome of your actions - the impact your actions and behavior will have on the future. Surprisingly, people understand when you delay answering: “I first need to think about it,” or even less descriptively: “I will let you know my decision by …”.
It’s also important not to allow others to express their anger in an unconstructive way. Some people might consider you weak if you refuse to share anger and may try to manipulate you by showing their own anger. Cut it short and firmly. Show them that it’s not acceptable to behave like that. One thing is to be open to people’s opinions and feedback, but that’s totally different from “venting” or “blaming” in front of the team. If someone is angry, suggest pausing the conversation, and just as you take time to deal with your emotions, allow them to do the same. Suggest meeting later or collecting their thoughts in written form. Writing is important because no one would send an angry email without re-reading it for clarity, purpose, and goal - and suddenly it becomes more constructive, and the anger is gone. That’s something you can work with.
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